El Mayarah
by vox.ex
Summary: A one-shot collection to hold some of my random Supergirl ramblings. Chapter 6 - "Why the hell did you pull it out" (supercorp danvers sisters) Chapter 7 - "I know it hurts." (danvers Sisters)
1. You happy to see me (supercorp, sisters)

Summary: Kara wanting to be with Lena after Lex escapes. Alternative take for 4x17.

A/N: Not sure what direction these will go in, but I just figured it'd be a place to put some shorter scenes, prompt fills, and other random thoughts.

This one is based off a pair of Tumblr posts I saw post 4x17 from narraboths and lenakluthor

* * *

You are used to this kind of fear in your chest. You are used to the way that every other feeling, every other touch, every other sound always gives way to her; to the feeling of seeing her safe, to the touch of your hand against hers, to the sound of her heartbeat in your ears.

But you are also used to holding back. You are used to careful words and quick glances. You are used to the stolen moments when you can look at her and let go of the tears you've held back, when you can let your fingers wander the contours of her jaw and try to ease away her pain.

You are used to it all, but it never makes it any easier. If anything, it gets harder.

Harder to hold back — harder to lie.

And today it is harder still.

Because today you couldn't even be there.

You had tried to follow her. Had tried to make your way next to her. But then a hand on your chest had stopped you.

You looked up into your sister's eyes, and for a second you forget that she doesn't know who you are, that she doesn't know why you need to hold Lena's hand or promise her she's safe.

You say your sister's name like a prayer.

"Alex"

Like it alone might make her remember.

But it doesn't.

And you know she can still see the pain you can never seem to hide from her, but this time she doesn't understand it.

So you let her hand fall from your chest. You let her turn around and walk away. You let her be there when you can't.

You stand just of sight with Lena just out of reach, and it's only when you find in the dissonance the one sound you have been so desperate to hear that you allow yourself to leave.

You hold onto the steady rhythm of Lena's heartbeat for hours.

You hold onto it until you finally see her again.

Alex had called you, had told you what had happened like you didn't already know, like you hadn't been waiting.

And now your hand hesitates against the door in front of you. The sound of her footsteps getting closer as each second grows longer. You can hear the switch of every lock, the turn of each knob, aware of every little thing still keeping you from her.

The door opens, and you barely hear her say your name as you step forward to wrap your arms around her. And at least you can be thankful that you are able to hold her like this now, that you are both in her doorway and not the DEO where you cannot afford to wear your heart so openly.

You close your eyes and take in every detail of her. The soft cotton fabric of her shirt, the damp ends of her hair, the gentle smell of nectarine and honey.

"I was so worried."

You feel her arms tighten, feel them hold onto you in their own kind of desperation and their own kind of need. You feel the tears that fall onto your shoulder and the tremor of her hands.

"You happy to see me?"

You can hear the subtle waiver in her voice, the quiet laugh meant to belie her fears.

"Yeah"

And that one word feels stupid to say and too simple to be meaningful. But then Lena's voice is just as quiet in return, the words just as simple.

"Thank You."

And you know that both are tasked with so much more, that they hold answers and promises that have been left unsaid but never unproven.

* * *

Thanks for reading...Let me know what you think here or else you can come yell at me on Tumblr too vox-ex.


	2. Who did this to you? (supercorp)

Summary: Saw this prompt re-blogged on my Tumblr by amaltheaz and couldn't not have a go - "Who did this to you?"

A/N" Hope you guys are enjoying these little scenes.

* * *

You know that there are people who would tell you Supergirl was a god; who would recite the twisted scriptures of madmen or follow the word of false prophets even as they watched her bleed in front of them. But you are not them. You have seen her faults and watched her mourn her failures. You know she is not what they believe her to be. You know her heart beats with a rhythm capable of faltering just like your own.

If only they could see her now.

With every bit of grace and steadiness gone.

If they could see her fall on her knees in front of you.

With every bit of weakness unhidden.

Maybe then they might believe the same as you.

But she is not here to prove them wrong.

She is here because she promised she always would be.

She is here because she has lost too much to lose something else.

Her hand wavers as it reaches up, lifting your chin so that she can see every part of you she failed to protect. You reach out too, your hand covering hers as if trying to prove to her you won't break. You feel her fingers shift, feel them brushing gently against your skin, her thumb tracing the corner of your mouth as it wipes away the blood there. And there is comfort in her touch, but there is something else too, another feeling barely held back. She hesitates, maybe afraid of her own strength, maybe scared of what her hands are capable of at that moment. You lift her hand higher, willing her to feel you there with her, to believe that you are safe because you know the words alone would fail at such a task. She closes her eyes and lets you guide her, lets you bring her fingers to the arch of your cheek where they meet the tears that you have let fall, and you swear you can feel her heart skip beneath your own shaking touch.

She is not a god.

But she is not a hero now either.

Her eyes find yours, haunted by an anger that is born of fear.

You watch what it takes her to try and hold it back.

You watch as she can't.

Not this time.

She is too lost in the memories of ghosts.

"Who did this to you."

Her voice wavers, breaks, and finally steadies as if at last accepting of the part of herself she has always feared.

But you are not afraid of her.

She is not the vengeful god your brother claimed her to be.

And you will not let her be broken.

She is not the fallen hero that this world could easily make her.

So you don't let go.

You hold on tighter instead.

Because you know what it is to fear the things you are capable of, to be so full of anger at everything you've lost that it seems like the only answer.

You guide her hand again, this time pulling it down from your face so that it rests above your heart.

And you make her the same promise she made to you.

You are the one who saves her this time even if it is only from herself.

She falls forward her head resting in your lap as her arms hold you tighter than she has ever dared to let them as you feel her body give in. You fold yourself around her, hands running along her back and quiet words whispered in her ear.

And you know that later she will hate herself for what she knows she could have done. But you will be there. You will hold her like this again. You will let her cry when she cleans away the blood from your face, you will promise her you are okay when she runs her finger over the scar that will remain. And after, when you watch her as she sleeps and wonder how she is there with you at all and you calculate numbers so small that it is easier to believe them impossible. You will hold her, and you will think that even though Supergirl is not a god, Kara Zor-el is a miracle.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading as always comments and kudos are appreciated. Let me know if you have anything you'd like to see either here or you can leave me an ask on Tumblr vox-ex.


	3. It didn't involve you (supercorp)

A/N: A quick supercorp tumblr prompt fill...post reveal feels after Lena puts herself in danger

* * *

"I didn't tell you because it didn't involve you."

Lena sat still and unbothered, at least in appearance, by a very nervous Kryptonian pacing back in forth in front of her, but this is the first time she's seen her in weeks, and the first time that it's felt like she isn't able to separate Kara from Supergirl in her head.

"You knew it could explode!"

Lena winced slightly at the sudden volume of Kara's voice as she finally stopped in front of her, hands gesturing between Lena's newly casted hand and general broken state of appearance as Alex finished looking her over.

"Yes, which is why I called my security team and the NCPD to deal with it."

"But you didn't wait for either…you, you…got yourself blown up instead…I mean, only slightly sure, but still there was like a kaboom and everything, and flames, Jess said there were flames, and you only broke your hand and got a concussion which still sucks but could have been so much worse, and what if it was worse and I didn't know, and it could have been worse, and I didn't know, and I still care okay, I get that you might still hate me, but I care if you get blown up, so please, please don't get blown up just to prove a point, okay, can you do that, can you promise me that?"

And after all that Lena doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to make sense of this Kara — the one with Supergirl's impassioned guise and Kara Danvers' rambling concern— and maybe this is Kara Zor-el, maybe this is who she has known all along, maybe that's why it still feels familiar somehow.

And so Lena takes Kara's hand in hers, taking her by surprise as she does, and then with a slight smile and a meaningful look she shakes Kara's hand

"I promise not to get blown up again just to prove a point"

Because maybe forgiveness should start with a promise.

* * *

Thanks for reading... comments and the like are always welcome and appreciated or come yell at me on Tumblr vox-ex


	4. Green (supercorp)

A/N: Lena takes Kara to her first home

* * *

Lena lets her eyes wander away from the blur of changing landscapes for just a second, allows them to shift from the slate blue of the sky to the deep azure of Kara's eyes. And even though Kara doesn't look away from the road ahead of them, her hand still closes ever so gently around Lena's as if she can feel the doubts that have started to ease their way into her mind. Lena manages a smile at the small comfort and runs her thumb across the back of Kara's knuckles, promising her that she is okay.

Kara drives a while longer following the vague directions they've pieced together from Lena's memories and old adoption records. They pass along winding roads that take them away from the sea and out toward the mountains until the grey skies finally seem to give way to something a little brighter. Lena sees a break in the distance, a line of mountain ash dotting the edges of a small plot of land not far from the road. She can't explain why it feels familiar other than to say it feels familiar; but it's not the trees, or the road, or the small house that is somehow still standing that does, it's just the feeling itself.

Kara pulls the car to a stop, and Lena steps out. She hesitates as if wondering who this place expects her to be, maybe wondering it of herself. But more than the things she is are the things she is not. No longer the child who lost her mother, no longer the woman who watched her brother go mad; still grieving in a way, still angry in a way, but no longer alone, and now too like this place, no longer lost. She stands just at the edge of the road. She tries to imagine how it would have looked to her when she last saw it. How different everything about the world seems when you're four. How much brighter things might have been, how much bigger. She tries to imagine how it might have looked if she had found it years ago, if she would have hated what she found, if she would have regretted it. She thinks of her last memory here, of lying in Kara's arms one night and trusting her with the only image of her mother that she had.

"We were in a meadow. My mother was holding my hand as I tried to run down the hill. I was trying to run as fast as I could, and I was trying to hold onto her hand to as hard as I could, but I couldn't and then just before I fell, I felt her arms grab me around the middle and spin me around into a hug and we landed on our back and she held me in her arms and the only thing about her then that I can really remember is that her eyes were the same color green as the grass that was all around us."

She thinks of how she had remembered the trees and the meadow but not the color of the leaves or the way that the light caught the side of the hill. She thinks of her mother's face; her eyes, gentle and kind, and the same soft shade of golden green.

She feels Kara's hand in hers, feels the sun on her face, and the wind blowing through the meadow, sees that shade of green so clearly now in everything in front of her and knows she'll always have it with her now, kept safely in her head and held carefully in her heart.

Kara's hand tightens again, and Lena again brushes her thumb against the back of her knuckles, promises her again she is okay, wonders not for the first time how someone who has lost so much could find a way to help give back even more.

* * *

Thanks for reading... comments and the like are always welcome and appreciated or come yell at me on Tumblr vox-ex


	5. Couch (supercorp)

A/N: Lena and Kara waking up together

* * *

For a long time, Lena was used to waking up alone, to waking up before the sun rose. She is still not used to comfort like this. She is still not used to waking up to light streaming through open curtains and the weight of someone else's body against hers.

So as she wakes up now, it takes her second to remember where she is.

She's in clothes that are threadbare and worn and definitely not hers, but they are warm and smell of milk and honey and hints of sunshine if ever it was possible to smell of such.

She shifts to move but stops when she realizes there is nowhere to go.

She doesn't remember them falling asleep like this. Can only remember sitting alone on Kara's couch; her phone left waiting on the table, the news playing on repeat in the background as she tried to get the sound of Kara crashing into the concrete out of her head.

In a lot of ways knowing was easier — in some, it was harder.

Lena feels as Kara shifts against her. Feels as her arms reach around her just a little more. She moves with her settling them both back further into the couch and casts her eyes downward to where Kara's head lies on her chest.

She thinks about how long it took to get here — of all the things that have stood in the way of moments like this and of all the times they almost hadn't made it back into each other's arms at all.

She brings her hands gently to the curve of Kara's jaw, holds it there, thumb tracing its curve with the lightest of touches as if the skin there were as fragile as the moment felt. She wonders briefly if it is, if Kara's skin at that moment is as breakable as her own after last night.

She thinks of how scared she is of it all still, how much easier it is in the silence to admit it.

But what she doesn't know is that Kara is scared of it too. That last night she held Lena this same way and admitted these same things.

And maybe soon they will both realize that there are answers they can give each other that the silence can't.

But for now, Kara was here. Kara was in her arms, and she loved her, and maybe it was enough that that was enough.

* * *

Thanks for reading... comments and the like are always welcome and appreciated or come yell at me on Tumblr vox-ex


	6. Why the hell did you pull it out?

Tumblr prompt - "Okay but like the character who doesn't realize they've been hurt trying to see if everyone else is okay only to slowly realize that everyone is looking at them with mounting horror. Then they touch their side to find it's wet and oh no"

* * *

It is hard at first to tell what is real and what is imagined with the ringing in her ears and the blurriness of her vision casting doubt over a world that struggles into view.

There is a weight on her chest, like someone is lying on top of her, arms held around her, protecting her.

She blinks, her eyes slowly starting to focus again, the ringing in her ears settling into a steady hum.

The weight on her chest lifts a little, and she tries to move, tries to sit up, but there are hands pressing against her side keeping her in place, the movements of them hesitant and desperate all at the same time.

She lifts her head instead and looks down, barely making out the red and blue of Kara's suit before she has to close her eyes against the pain that echoes in her head with the movement. And she remembers then why she's lying in the middle of the street, remembers Alex's voice in her ear telling her there wasn't enough time, remembers Brainy telling her there was only a 12.428% chance it would work, remembers it was still the right thing to do, and just before the explosion she remembers Kara. Kara whose hands are the ones holding her down, whose hands are covered in blood, who is mumbling to herself things like hang on, and I've got you, and you're okay. But there isn't any pain, and she thinks there should be pain with that much blood, and maybe she's in shock. But somehow Kara seems just as confused as she does, because then she's pulling her shirt out of the way, and she's trying to tear the buttons open, and there's that crinkle between her eyebrows that Alex always teases her about. And it's somewhere in that mess of panicked awareness that Lena realizes why there isn't any pain…becuase the blood isn't hers. She can see it then, how the sweat falls down the side of Kara's face, how her hands shake not out of fear but out of weakness, how the dark stain on the front of her suit is getting larger with every second that passes. And it's that last realization that has her trying again to push Kara's hands away, to make everything stop spinning long enough that she can get help.

"K-Ka-Kara…"

But before she can do any of that, Alex is there, and Lena feels relief and fear at the same time as she watches Kara fall back on her heels and her hands finally let go. But Alex doesn't turn to her sister, instead, her hands take Kara's place, pushing away her shirt again, looking once more for what isn't there.

"Al-…Alex, Alex!"

And her bruised ribs make it hard to breathe, hard to make her voice loud enough to get anyone's attention.

But she can see Kara past Alex, can see the dirt and ash mixed with blood that stains her cheeks and every other part of her — can see what everyone else can't.

"Stop! Alex, It's…it's not mine."

She finally manages to grab onto Alex's hands, sitting up as she does.

Lena sees Alex touch the exposed skin of her stomach and then the blood-soaked fabric of her shirt. Sees the realization of what it means come just as suddenly as it had for her only seconds ago.

And Lena moves slower than Alex, but they both turn around, both see Kara sitting with her back against a piece of broken concrete, one hand resting against her side and the other holding a jagged piece of metal tipped with crimson at the end. And if it was bleeding badly before, it's even worse now. Alex moves quickly to Kara's side, hands pressing firm enough that blood seeps between her fingers as she does. Lena watches Kara look down at Alex's hand and then up at her sister, her breathing fast and shallow, her eyes half-closed.

"ouch"

And Lena would laugh if she wasn't so scared.

"Yeah ouch you idiot" Alex admonishes.

"Why the hell did you pull it out" questioning as she pulls a compression dressing from her belt.

Kara for her part looks confused for a second and reaches down to touch her side only to seem more confused when her fingers come away stained with blood.

"I didn't, didn't k-kn-know what it was."

And Alex does let out a quiet watery laugh then, and Lena wants to ask her how she does it, how she's okay with any of this, because Lena is still learning what it means for Kara to be the one wearing that cape, to be the one holding her in her arms when time runs out, to blow out her powers trying to protect her, to be bleeding out in front of her.

She wants to know, because loving Kara will mean more moments like this, more moments of feeling scared, of feeling afraid, of seeing her hurt trying to protect her. And after everything, after just getting Kara back, she isn't ready to lose her again, not to fear, not to guilt, not to any of it.

* * *

Thanks for reading... comments and the like are always welcome and appreciated. Come yell at me below or vox-ex on Tumblr.


	7. I know it hurts (danvers sisters)

A Danvers Sister moment for the end of "It's a Super Life" with Kara taking comfort in Alex after everything.

* * *

Kara hadn't heard Alex walk up next to her.

Maybe it was the sounds of the city below, louder than it had been in days.

Maybe it was the echo of a single heartbeat she had been trying to find among them.

Maybe it was the images she still couldn't get out of her head; of her sister crying, of Lena in her arms dying, of it all still not being enough.

Maybe it was all finally just too much.

"I know it hurts."

Kara closes her eyes as her sister's voice tries to break through it all like so many nights when they were younger.

And she wishes it would again now.

Wants so much to believe her.

Wants to believe that after all this, that even if she can't love Lena, she still isn't as alone as she fears.

Not again.

Not still.

But they aren't kids anymore.

And the pain that was supposed to get better still hasn't stopped.

And she is too tired to believe in anything anymore— too tired to not be angry anymore.

"But it always hurts..."

The words are bitter and edging on broken, but if Kara was looking at her, she still knows that Alex's eyes wouldn't dare pity them.

"It just-always—" she pushes herself away from the ledge, away from it all — "it always hurts."

She turns around and can feel Alex watching her, knows that she's torn between reaching out and letting her go on.

Kara steps back once more, opening her arms and gripping tightly at her chest, her voice and the fabric straining as her hands pull at the crest that is a reminder of so much.

"It's like something in my chest just keeps- "

So much pain.

So much loss.

And so, so much anger.

Alex makes her decision then and grabs at her hands. Kara can feel them trembling underneath. And she doesn't know what to do with them, doesn't know how to make them stop shaking, doesn't know how to make it all stop hurting.

She looks at their hands. They don't feel like her own.

"Doesn't it ever stop?-" she finishes weakly before taking her hands away, still trembling, still unable to make it stop.

She knows Alex is trying to get her to look at her, and it's all she can do not to look up even as tears fall onto the concrete at her feet.

But then Kara feels the warmth of arms holding her close and with it a quick and quiet whispered promise.

"hey, I'm here, I'm still here."

And somehow she finds something left to believe in after all.

* * *

Thanks for reading... comments and the like are always welcome and appreciated. Come yell at me below or vox-ex on Tumblr.


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